Wednesday, April 27, 2011

LABOR PAINS***Is it OVER yet?

When I say that I have had 3 nervous breakdowns & 2 panic attacks (within a WEEK's time) ... I AM SAYING THAT I AM LOSING IT! *Contraction* The stress of my FINAL exams and my everyday life have really taken a toll on me. I found myself asking God last night, "Why me?", and usually I can reply in his defense, "Why not you DAWN?"

But not last night. *Contraction* I have physically & mentally cried too many tears over the various emotions I have experienced over the past three weeks.  But it's not over. Everything that I have worked hard for will be recognized on May 7th and I still have a ways to go. So much more to do and so much more to accomplish. *Contraction*

I shouldn't complain but I need to release it all. I can't see beyond my feet because my belly is taking up air space. I won't deny God his ability to work in my life because I know better. It is alright to admit that you are not SUPER WOMAN, but you can work wonders through your labor pains.  *Contraction* I am mentally suffering but I can physically say that I AM STILL STANDING.... I am still here. Why? Because God is not through with me yet.... I've got more labor pains to endure.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

DO NOT LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HEAR

Do NOT be so quick to THROW it AWAY!

So this morning I went on a twitter vent because of what I heard on one of my favorite Atlanta Radio Stations. I will copy and paste the vent and you can leave your thoughts!

- I am very sick & tired (in my Fannie Lou Hamer voice) of people in ATLANTA telling each other there are no GOOD MEN here

-If there are no GOOD MEN in Atlanta then there are no GOOD WOMEN either
-How about encouraging folks to work on their own issues before they venture out looking for someone to solve them

-How about encouraging healthy friendships, dating tips, and ways to stick through the tough times in the relationships you do have  

-How about encouraging folks to evaluate their own lives before they decide to walk into someone else's with their baggage



-Some folks don't know how to be a GOOD friend so how well do you think you will do in a relationship

-The Mentality that there are NO GOOD MEN in Atlanta needs to switch to WE ARE ALL GOOD PEOPLE in desperate search of another

-Just like with anything GOOD in your life you have to fight/work hard/be consistent with it... QUIT GIVING UP SO EASILY!

-You have to work hard at your relationship w/ God. You have to fight to keep your job. You have to be consistent with the people around you

-People worry about what someone will say when you decide to give someone in your life another chance... But have they walked in your shoes??

-You do not know how GOOD a person is until you actually give that person a chance to show you how GOOD they can be

-TRUST ME I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE & I am very happy that I FOUGHT for my GOOD MAN
-In some relationships, especially in ATLANTA, you have to get through the BS to really get down to who the person is

-It is hard because we all come from different backgrounds and we don't know each others history but isn't that the beauty of LOVE

-The crazy thing about this is that the very person who is preaching there are NO GOOD MEN here in ATLANTA is mad they haven't found one

-Do not be mad! It is not your time to find that person. There is something that you haven't dealt with that may hinder your growth for love

-I respect folks that know they have to deal with themselves first before they jump into a relationship #KnowWHOyouARE

-It is just sad that other folks have to listen to other WOMEN & MEN tell them that they are not GOOD enough for each other

-I totally disagree with that and I wish that more folks in Atlanta would stand up and think more positively about their futures

-Im no relationship guru! Im someone that kept believing that some day someone will appreciate me for who I am & I will embrace who they are

-The whole "There are NO GOOD MEN/WOMEN in Atlanta" is toxic and I wish someone would really flush this shit away

-1 thing that I have learn from my Bipolar disorder is that it is a work in progress. I have to be consistent/work hard/fight to stay better ... Relationships are the same way

-If you give up when they mess up or don't meet your expectations in the beginning then you may be giving up on a blessing

-Working past things take time and effort and I hate it that some folks would not put for the effort to keep something GOOD in their lives

-God never gives up on us... Why should we give up on each other? Forgive, Forget, Move On

-One thing about me that will never change I will remain positive no matter how bad you treat me friend/foe/associate #GetMadatGOD

-I think I am about done with this "There Are No Good Men/Women in Atlanta" vent... I just hope someone heard/listened to what I had to say

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

*New Event Update*













This year I will be hosting my First Annual Mother's Day Brunch at my home.

I will have 8 mothers sitting at a table sharing their various experiences.

I know so many mothers that I admire and that follow me that I had to draw names for this event. If you do not receive an invite it is not a reflection of how I feel about you nor how you're doing as a Mother. There will be opportunities to win a GIFT BAG from the event and there will be a Quotation Book given to a New Mother who I know would cherish the advice from the Mothers at the dinner.

Stay Tuned & Leave a Comment!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Jesus WALKS with me...

Tell me what you see when I pass by
Shadow, a cloud, or a line in the sky
Am I getting you wrong or am I getting you right?
Well, all I can take is one, one step at a time

Look at me
I'm trying
Everyday
I fall down
Make mistakes
Get back up
Try again
Next time you see me

I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking
I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking
I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking
I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking

On MAY 7th.... The Countdown has began...............................

My Graduation Theme song: "I'm Walking" by Mary Mary


Monday, April 11, 2011

Keeping it REAL----->

My Mind is telling me NO... BUT MY BODY... MY BODY IS TELLING ME YEST!

You've got to get enough sleep in order to be able to GRIND or HUSTLE, HUSTLE, HUSTLE hard! I know you feel as if you can sleep when you die but what will happen if your body shuts down on you? What will happen if your health is affected by your lack of sleep?? Take better care of yourself so that you can enjoy the rewards you gain from working hard.

I was just on Facebook & Twitter telling a true story about how I slept through my second class. I already read the slides for the evening and I didn't want to skip class so I was present but not really! LOL... Well when I woke up, one of the students told me I didn't miss anything but then I saw most of my classmates trying to help my professor with our school's MOODLE system.

Professors can use this system to post updates in the class along with assignments. So I jumped up, after I wiped the slob from my mouth, and began problem-solving. Well after a few clicks here and there I was able to help my professor and the class will now have complete access to his updates. WHAT IF I DIDN'T TAKE THAT NAP?? What if I was all tired and angry that I sat through a two-hour slide presentation that really just needed a summary from our professor??

I know I wouldn't have been able to help him because I would've been too pissed off that he took two hours to talk about something we already read. So with that said, if you have to just take a nap... DO IT! My body knew I couldn't last through the class but my contribution at the end of class was tremendous.

THAT WAS SOME GOOD SLEEP!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

If I had died.... My Suicidal Confession


Image by Photographer Laretta Houston
 My Bipolar/Manic Disorder has been a hidden blessing. It is hard for me to explain that statement when I am having a "Bipolar Episode" but every now and then I thank God that he gave me this disorder.

I thank God that he chose me to have a voice that truly helps other African-American women (and women in general) face their fears about Mental Illnesses.

I thank God that after those 7 suicidal attempts he did not allow that loaded gun to go off nor did he allow those drugs/medications to takeover my body.

I thank God that he pushed me to greater heights and made me believe that I can have a life despite this debilitating disorder.

I thank God that he wanted a country girl from a small city/town in Southern Mississippi to dream bigger than what the city/town/state had to offer to her.

I thank God that I was born into a Christian family that pushed me to remain humble and faithful and now I am seeing why God wanted me to continue living.

My Grandmother & mother used to always tell me, "JUST KEEP LIVING and you will see", and I never understood if they were trying to be negative or positive. Now I know exactly what they meant.

If I had died, then I would not be able to speak to young people about how my disorder changed my life for the better.

If I had died, I would not have been able to meet the man of my life and have the wonderful family that I prayed for on those lonely nights.

If I had died, I would not have been able to walk across the stage of accomplishment in my educational career.

If I had died, I would not have inspired the next young woman dreaming to get out of that small city/town in the State of Mississippi but never forgetting where she comes from.

If I had died, I would not have been able to share my life with such loving and caring people that I know I can count on.

I am so glad that I didn't die.... God I thank you.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

MY P.U.S.H Present

During my Trials & Tribulations, I continue to Pray Until Something Happens. It is hard to do but I have been a firm believer that God does not give me more than what I can bear. When I think of what my P.U.S.H present should be from God I begin to feel selfish. Some P.U.S.H presents are more about material things and what the person feels they deserve for praying. My P.U.S.H presents that I ask for is strength, wisdom, compassion, and love to get through whatever I am going through.
Have you realized that you were praying for something to be over when really your P.U.S.H present was the TRIAL? Think about it & share your thoughts

Friday, April 1, 2011

THE VENT in SOUR TIMES

This is my release. My release of what I have confined in my mind and in my heart. Sometimes people that give, give, give sit back and wait to see what you would give to them. Not for something they did in return but to see if you are really playing your position in their life. Are you really a friend? Because you may just be an associate.  Are you really a listener? Because you may just be waiting for me to stop talking so you can get your point across. Are you really a supporter? Because you may just be someone who only sees what someone else can do for you rather than building on something together. I hope you understand what I am going through cause I know some of you have went through the same thing.

I lost a dear friend close to me and ever since his death I have been evaluating people in my life and around me. Cut ties with some and have put some out of one category into another. Why is it so hard for this generation to see that they may be worshiping or wanting the wrong things? You cannot get mad cause I'm not worshiping/wanting it too. I don't have a desire to be famous nor do I have a desire to be linked with famous people (LEECHES). I was raised to care about others genuinely, and if I am not helping someone else in their life then I am not fulfilling God's promise.

Folks have a problem with asking for help or even giving help to those who need it the most. I rarely talk about the things I do away from the Industry because there is no need for me to list it all. My reward is in heaven. "I'm so close to heaven hell I just need some time.... I do this for the love & it is free of charge". Why can't you do it? I cannot sympathize nor can I relate to someone who always has a negative attitude. Then if you try and check them for it they get defensive about it. You are alive aren't you? Why envy what the next person is doing or have when GOD gave you what you are mentally prepared for at this point of your life?! And there is a thing called, "TACT"... Please look up the definition.

If you change the way you see things and open up your mind then maybe GOD will allow you to have those experiences. People are so busy running from the problem when they cannot sit still long enough to finish solving the arithmetics in front of them. Why not figure out what YOU want to do and accept that some things aren't for you. When someone else does what they have figured out for them don't hate, envy, become jealous, or say they think they are better... See how their Addition of blessings can help your Subtracting issues and Multiply that so you can both equalize happiness.

Some times people say that the real problem is YOU. Well that may be factual, but I will say this I have given so much of myself to those around me that I have decided to take a step back to see who really cares. If you don't then that's fine. I can deal with that, but you cannot fault me if I cannot relate to what's going on in your life when you could give a damn about mine. I will always be a giving person because I know the right person will receive what I have to give and they will value it even when five other people don't. Maybe I'm just growing up. Maybe God is preparing me for a higher level that I am stepping into. You were here with me during this stage, but you won't be on stage when I am done. THE VENT


*thoughts & words inspired by Mississippi Rapper BIG KRIT's single "The VENT" on http://www.returnof4eva.com/*