Wednesday, April 6, 2011

If I had died.... My Suicidal Confession


Image by Photographer Laretta Houston
 My Bipolar/Manic Disorder has been a hidden blessing. It is hard for me to explain that statement when I am having a "Bipolar Episode" but every now and then I thank God that he gave me this disorder.

I thank God that he chose me to have a voice that truly helps other African-American women (and women in general) face their fears about Mental Illnesses.

I thank God that after those 7 suicidal attempts he did not allow that loaded gun to go off nor did he allow those drugs/medications to takeover my body.

I thank God that he pushed me to greater heights and made me believe that I can have a life despite this debilitating disorder.

I thank God that he wanted a country girl from a small city/town in Southern Mississippi to dream bigger than what the city/town/state had to offer to her.

I thank God that I was born into a Christian family that pushed me to remain humble and faithful and now I am seeing why God wanted me to continue living.

My Grandmother & mother used to always tell me, "JUST KEEP LIVING and you will see", and I never understood if they were trying to be negative or positive. Now I know exactly what they meant.

If I had died, then I would not be able to speak to young people about how my disorder changed my life for the better.

If I had died, I would not have been able to meet the man of my life and have the wonderful family that I prayed for on those lonely nights.

If I had died, I would not have been able to walk across the stage of accomplishment in my educational career.

If I had died, I would not have inspired the next young woman dreaming to get out of that small city/town in the State of Mississippi but never forgetting where she comes from.

If I had died, I would not have been able to share my life with such loving and caring people that I know I can count on.

I am so glad that I didn't die.... God I thank you.

11 comments:

  1. Amazing confessional. God iS blessing you with many more blessings! May graduate!

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  2. This is so amazing Thank You for allowing us in.
    God has so much more in store for you.

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  3. Just Keep Living! You are such an awesome person!

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  4. remarkable confession and it shows your strength! Beautiful inside and out my music buddy :)

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  5. Dawn this you are a very beautiful person inside and out.You are a true inspiration to me and I am glad that I had the pleasure of meeting you.Even though we do not talk every day i still consider you my friend.I pray that you continue living and inspiring others for many more years to come.I am so proud of your accomplishmens i know you have been through the storm but God brought you to brighter days.Luv u sis keep in touch.
    Francinta

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  6. I have told you this before, YOU ARE AN AWESOME INDIVIDUAL. Our relationship has been short but very meaningful, for this I am grateful. I never told you but, I tried to commit suicide myself. Twice. I was willing to fail and tried to give up, but God has a better plan for me. I knew that something big was going to happen for me because of the way I have been feeling lately. Thank you for sharing what is or has been rather, crazy feelings that only you can describe. Yet you are brave enough to share one of the few happy endings for real people who carry the weight on their shoulders. Many blessings to you and yours.

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  7. Wow.... you were kept her for a divine purpose and I know you are fulfilling them... I am so proud of you! This just touched my heart :-)

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  8. I relish the brief time I spent shooting with you. Many times models move on and the shadows they cast leave photographers in the darkest part of thier shadows. Yet I marvel when I know that the light you shine for a minute made the glow in my heart brighten for a minute. I am glad you did not die.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your story Dawn. God blesses us to be a blessing to others, and I am sure this will bless many.

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  10. I THANK God you are here as well!!! Truly blessed woman

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  11. Speechless!! God bless you Dawn. You're definitely making your mark.

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