|Image by Photographer Allen Cooley|
My family has truly stepped up and given me the courage to battle my thoughts and those that want to see me fall. God made me realize back in high school that I would always be different and NO ONE WOULD LIKE THAT.
When I found out I was Bipolar (my sophomore year in high school) I felt ashamed. I thought, "How could God give me this disorder when I know other folks crazier than me?" Bipolar does not equal CRAZY. My mother & grandmother taught me that this was a time that I needed to know WHO I WAS and Love myself for being ME.
The past 48 hours I have had thoughts of taking my own life, writing a WILL for my son's well-being, and just ending all relationships around me. How can I feel so low when my faith remains in GOD?
God allows us to be in low places so that we can look up and seek his guidance. Every day is not a perfect day for me. Every day is not promised to me either. My disorder really takes all of my energy most days and it is hard for me to even get out of the bed. But yet I have a child to raise, a family to be strong for, a career that does not wait on me, school assignments that have deadlines, and a LIFE THAT MUST BE LIVED.
I will continue to fast, pray, and believe in God that there was a reason for me to experience this Down Time. Those that are for me will be for me and those that aren't can kick rocks without a pedicure! I am BIPOLAR but this disorder will not take over my life. I WILL CONTINUE TO SURVIVE!
"Even at my WORST I am the BEST!"---- words by Big K.R.I.T